HomeI lived where? My San Diego apartment (1999)
04. Jan, 2010 
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SAN DIEGO – My living room circa 1999
Extensive research of TV courtroom dramas was done in preparation for this post. Reader discretion is advised.
The Judge: Let the record show that the defendant is charged with laziness and lack of imagination while decorating a San Diego apartment where he lived during the period between November of 1998 and March of 2000. I’m so thankful there’s no statute of limitations, because I am personally sickened by the defendant’s alleged style and general disregard of good taste. Now how do you plead you idiot?
Me: Let’s not get carried away Judge. Technically it’s true that I bought an entire house of furniture from Ikea in one afternoon, including a sofa, wing chair, coffee table, desk and even the Picasso print I hung above it. But I was just a lad of 24, and I didn’t know what I was doing. I gave it a good try and besides, the furniture was affordable and even kind of cute at the time.
The Judge: CUTE!!! One more smart alec remark, and I’ll sentence you to a night at Motel 6, and you’ll see how I interpret the word cute. For God sake man, do you call that dirty shag on the floor wall-to-wall carpeting?
Me: That’s right Judge. When that photo was taken, I had just rented the place, but . . .
The Judge: You’re trying my patience defendant, and I can tell from the jury’s face that they’re not buying your load of b.s. Fist bump Bailiff?
Let the record show Bailiff Henderson and The Judge bump fists.
Me: But I actually did rip out the carpet and refinis . . .
The Judge: Enough of your lies!!! GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
OK folks – you’re my counsel. How should I plead? Do I have a case? Or am I guilty as charged? And do have similar embarrassing photos of your own past rooms? If so, e-mail me. strangeclosets (at) yahoo (dot com).
Exhibit A: I still have those red flannel plaid house pants (as pajama bottoms are now called) – damning evidence to be sure.
I found this place from an ad in the paper. Why are you looking at me funny? Oh, um, back then, the newspaper did this Craig’s List thing. But they charged for it. And they printed it out. So, yea, Craig’s List is better. Anyway, one of the ads was for a studio on Illinois Street, so I suspected it was meant to be, the woman at the real estate office smoked the entire time, and she didn’t ask too many nosy questions.
on your defense, if you live in San Diego you can spend the whole day outside enjoying the weather and not looking at your apartment.
Um Tate, is that a recliner you are lounging in? That isn’t going to help your case I’m afraid.
Look how far you’ve come! I shudder to think about some of my youthful decorating schemes. Most of my friends referred to my college studio apartment as Paula’s Playhouse – complete with a green Chairy!
I especially love the sickly pathos plant. Good touch!
The outside wasn’t quite as ramshackle as that photo makes it look.
I wonder if it’s been torn down and replaced with condos by now.
You can get a wing chair from Ikea in 1999? I give you props for owning a big ole plant as a 24 yr old man, nothing more.