Trend Report: My crystal ball reveals an ascendant trend (get out your wallets)

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I don’t write about this much, but by now you’ve probably deduced I’m psychic.  Strange coincidences are always happening to me.  During one recent Open House photo shoot, I was picking up all kinds of information and even sensed a river running along the back of the lot long before I was in a position to see it with my physical eyes (kind of).  I’ve got loads of examples.  Like, I called a guy yesterday, and he said, “I was just writing you an e-mail.  Are you psychic?” to which my reply was a resounding yes (I’m tired of hiding it).

It all goes back to my carney youth.  Oh sure, the carnival sounds glamorous, but it’s a tough life, moving from place to place, sleeping odd hours and constantly fending off groupies.  But the resident clairvoyant South Levinia (conjoined) invited me to hang out in their tent whenever I needed to get away from the noise and the crowds.  South Levinia also taught me how to read the future, a talent that’s gotten me out of more than one jam.  I’ll never forget her kindness, and I’ll always treasure the crystal ball I stole from their tent.  So let’s get started!

Tell me my oracle, my crystal ball, regarding home design trends, what do you see?  It’s working!  Tomorrow’s lifting her veil for me.

Good God crystal ball!  Are you sure?

OK folks, I’ve got some good news and bad news.  The good news is that many people are going to be really happy about finally finding a good deal on a large vintage drum.  Please continue crystal ball.

It looks like . . . it looks like many will use the drum as a coffee table.  And they’ll be worried but also validated when they see drums being used as coffee tables in Elle Decor and House Beautiful in the very same month.

Continued . . .

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Like so. These drums were at New Buffalo's famously color-coordinated the Barn.

Well, let’s get it over with.  What’s the bad news Slippery When Wet?

Drum roll please.  There’s no good way to write a drum roll.  How about Van Halen’s Jump video?  I wonder if I can I write that?

The stage lights are hot, and the perspiration stings David Lee Roth’s eyes.  The shaggy rocker struggles to see through the drug induced stupor that’s blocking his view of the fans.  He long ago realized that attention was the drug he liked best; seeing the fans and hearing their roars normally gave him the jolt he needed to make it through the tough nights (and this was shaping up to be the toughest).  He begins to feel faint, and he pushes his long wet blond hair back from his forehead, allowing him to see again, to see the fans!  It wasn’t the drugs after all!  Despite the fact that his pores are oozing Maker’s Mark, David Lee Roth body soaks up the fans cheers like a battery.  Newly recharged, David vows to make the best video ever, kicking his spandex-clad leg higher than he’s ever kicked before and jumping more joyfully than he’s ever jumped before.   Jump!

But back to the business of breaking bad news.  The crystal ball’s showing me that Restoration Hardware (or one of their chief competitors) will begin selling faux vintage drums as coffee tables sometime between October 2010 and October 2011.  And I don’t need a crystal ball to confidently predict, that we’ll promptly start test marketing another product for them, which means it’s already in the development phase (vintage astronomy charts perhaps).  Mark my words.

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I'm picking up a vague fish thing too, but don't quote me on that.

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